Aya

….develop an elevator allergy?

I walked into an elevator this morning and caught a whiff of cologne, perfume, musk and a little egg sandwich breath.  I don’t what happened but my nose became immediately congested.  Set into a hypochondriac panic, I opened the door quickly and went out into open space.  Everything was back to normal and my loyal nose was doing the in-and-out breathing thing it’s supposed to do.

Lunch hour.  Another elevator with a mixture of smells.  Another episode!  What the hell?!

Now, I can use the scientific method and try to guess the offending smells from this morning and test them one at a time but I don’t have the discipline or the stomach.  And I will never stop wearing perfume myself, if that is one of the culprits.

People!  If you’re in the medical field (even volunteering at a veterinary hospital is okay by me), I could use some new allergy advice.  Is this a long term thing?  Shall I disown my ingrate nose and cut it out of my will or leave it in now that the global economic depression has wiped out my savings?  We had a dog as a child and I remember pinching its nose as hard as I could.  Could it be karma coming back to kick my ass?

And don’t tell me to see a doctor, the earliest I’ll step into the office of one is a day after my 60th bday.

I would have put a picture of my offending schnozz and how red it got today but my mother told me a lady crosses her legs and doesn’t let men look up her nose.

1. You put 2 teaspoons of salt in your sacred morning tea.  And then you wonder if you’ve lost your sense of taste.  Only about 5o years premature.
2. Peel a banana for a milkshake, put the peel in the blender and the banana in the trash can.  Ever shed a tear for a banana?
3. Block your building’s entrance by driving up slowly and stopping your car where people come in.  And then lose your patience with the idiots and their staring.  Then stick your head out of the car and scream at them for not moving out of your way.
4. You e-mail your friend to pass by the farmers’ market for some romaine lettuce and tomatoes only to get a call from your mother who got a call from her brother in Somalia complaining that you had asked him to get some lettuce and tomatoes from a market.  Why did I spam him with my grocery list of all the people in my book?