3. A husband provides a convenient excuse not to give money to the extended family.
I have a cousin, a couple of years older than me, who married a month after finishing high school. She said and I quote: “I don’t want a job and I don’t want university, I just want to be a wife and a mother“. What?! A few of us girls and women (relatives and friends alike) gasped in horror, one or two may have fainted. Nobody questioned her need to be a wife and mother, who would? But to forego a chance to learn a skill or a trade and gain some financial sufficiency, sounds like madness, doesn’t it?
Little did we think, some 15 years later, that that sneaky little bitch would be the smartest one in our group! From the first moment she became a wife (and then a mother 10 months later), she stopped being tapped for family obligations. If anything, almost everyone has chipped in with financial support and endless babysitting over the years. Last month, I was called because a relative back home had her 8th child and needed help with school fees for the older ones as the husband doesn’t work. I don’t think he ever did. That lucky bastard. So like the hebrew slave that I am, I sent my share dutifully; however, I also sent 2 of my grey hairs blessed by my Haitian neighbour, a voodoo practitioner.
Listen, I’m not uncharitable at all and I know we’re not supposed to talk about what we give. But this is about fairness, you know! As we (both male and female relatives) have sweat in careers and hideous financial uncertainty over the years, not to mention toxic office environments, my cousin and her husband kept every dime, paid off their house, and have just taken their 3rd holiday of the year. Every single request for help for an ailing, elderly, and/or reproducing relative to her has been met with my husband won’t approve, my husband is fixing his van, my husband has the money, my husband—-
She did the smart thing. She won and we all lost. I’m a big girl, I can take it.
2. Number 3 made me so mad, I can’t think straight. I’ll fill it in when I remember.
1. A husband is a great companion for the winter 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.
It’s no secret that Vancouver and Valencia are my favourite spots in the world. And I’ve never been to a Winter Olympics event. But I’m not terribly impressed with crowds and tourist prices. A husband will be perfect to wade through crowds, hold my stuff while I go to the bathroom and venture out to get some hot chocolate. The best part will be when I haggle for prices at vendors and with cabs and anywhere else you can imagine. I will do what women in my line have done since the beginning: I will argue and push and then argue some more.
When the vendor is exasperated, angry, or about to throw an object in my direction, dear husband has to step in and valiantly defend me. I will haggle for prices 4 or 5 times a day, every single day of the event. I just hope my future husband is strong enough to take a punch or two. I won’t just stand there, of course, I will scream for help and call 911. But I will not expose my face to a brute’s fist. What if I break my nose and look like Mickey Rourke?!
And after the Olympics are finished, I expect a beautiful mini holiday at a ski resort. Breakfast in bed. Lunch at ski resort. Ski instructor because I was bloody born at the equator and we don’t bloody ski. Some clothes shopping and then dinner at a lovely restaurant. It will be very romantic because I say that it will.
It just doesn’t seem right without a husband, you know!
Image courtesy of NCowie
