Aya

A holiday in Greece

Image: Paolo Negri @ Getty Images

Oh man, I am in the deepest funk.

Ever feel like taking the steps down to the front door will take too long? Well, today I felt like just rolling down my window and walking right off. Nope, I didn’t want to kill myself or anything. Women in my family live to be 100, I have another 70 years of moping.

I just can’t see straight from the funk.

A very dear friend of mine and I are at a crossroad, my mother just made me fork over 7 grand in savings for her latest fantabulous idea, my back pain is ferocious, and I am just sick of living alone. I think I would be sicker living with people, but for now I am just sick of this.

Blah.

Now that I’ve unloaded my nomad funk onto you. What’s crackin’?

I’ve denied and resisted vehemently admitting this but I think I have a problem connecting with other human beings. Most like me well enough but there is a 12 inch steel door engulfing me at any moment. Nobody can come in. Blech. Even talking about it is making my stomach hurt.

On a cheerier note, I had a convo. with my favourite homeless dude at the light today. He carries a ‘Have Cancer. No Money. Good Bless‘ sign. I’ve seen him in the same spot for the past 2 years. He must have one of those toothless cancers. Anywayzies, I handed him the tuna sandwich I make him every morning, and he scratched me with his black, reptilian, claws like he does every day.

Then he looked me in the eye and said, ‘got a dollar, pretty lady‘. I was like, sure, I got 5 for you, my wonderful testament to God’s sense of humour. He took it and contemplated for about 8 seconds, said thank you, darlin’, beautiful day, and went about his way, not dying of cancer.

Just when you think your funk can’t get any deeper and life is pretty bleak today, you run into a homeless old man.

I don’t sleep at night but I’ve perfected the 30 second daytime nap at the fridge. And the red light. When tying my shoes. When paying bills online. I thought I had another good 30 years in me before spontaneous naps but alas, not sleeping at night will do that to you.

My younger brother called this weekend with a soul uncovering discovery. I had just come out of a mini nap and other than a high heart rate and some disorientation, I felt fantastic. He has decided that ’tis the time to find a wife and start a family. I want kids, he said. Um. Okay, I said. Know anyone, he asked. Let me think about it, I answered. I think if my brother doesn’t find his soul mate by September, the topic will be shelved till next summer.

My friends in this city are all spoken for and nosy me wants to have some sort of input into his matchmaking. I practically raised him (okay, he’s 2 years younger but I helped with his homework). Time to confer with the younger sis and find a match that she and I can approve of. I think that should be the biggest factor in the most important decision of his life. Don’t you agree?