April 2007


Americans must be a bloodthirsty lot. I was watching this post school shooting show on a network channel where 2 equally stupid PhDs talked about gun control. One argued that if everyone on the Virginia Tech campus had a gun, 32 would not have fallen to a lone, crazed fellow.

I understand the politics of the NRA and America’s long history of carrying arms, particularly to subjugate and control a certain group of people who were kidnapped and chained to the new world. What I don’t understand is a grown man advocating that everyday folks, mostly young in this case, carry hand guns on a daily basis. The probability of being shot by a classmate or a coworker is minuscule but what he is advocating would certainly change the way people settle arguments, wouldn’t it?

I spent a couple of days in small city, southern US and had to take some pics of gun stores. Other than churches, pawn shops, and porn outlets, gun stores are more frequent than grocery stores. What a strange mix of violence, Christianity, decadence and poverty.

I went into a convenience store called Bengal Grocery and bought water from a decidedly non-Bengali, hefty man in his 60s. I was curious about the kind of gun he had, if any. He bent behind the counter and took out a shot gun.

My nomad instincts and feet told me to run but I stood frozen for a moment. He grinned and his wife giggled as they showed me the gun. He explained that one of the bullets could make a hole in the torso as large as a man’s head. How comforting. I would have asked for his picture with his prized weapon but sweat was running down my back and I was beginning to wonder if I had locked my car in the dilapidated neighbourhood. I thanked him for the water and the demo and cowered back to my rental.



Notice there is tiny writing on the lower left side of the yellow concrete!

Here is what it says:

This is what most homes looked like.

Churches tended to be better kept and their streets well maintained.

I did what I couldn’t bear to do a few short years ago. I stood in line at the bank for a full 75 minutes. I waited for a teller to sort out the mess that online banking did to my checking account. Long story short, I was going to bite somebody’s head off and stuff shit down their throats. Between minutes 1 and 74, I lost all my anger. How could I be angry in the company of the young (and old) and useless? People are idiots and I can prove it.

The first was a JARHEAD – a recent returnee from the oil fields of Iraq. A buzz cut and a vacuous smile led me to believe that he saved at least 50 oil trucks from A-rab riffraff. Damn raghead riffraff, running around like they own the land and the wells.

The young army guy didn’t make any eye contact so I turned my attention to a SINGLE MOTHER of 3 tots. How do I know she was single? It’s my bloody stereotype and I stand by it. Hell-tots ran around, smearing their grubby little paws on my pants and crushing my toes with their boots. She did and said nothing to them, just stood there, happy with herself for shitting those miserable creatures out of her womb. Too mean? Boohoohoo.

I couldn’t stare at her; I was too busy listening to the AIRHEAD behind me who kept yelling in her cell. I get it. You’re rich, your family is old money from Connecticut, and you have a frequent flyer card to Abercrombie & Fitch. You stupid, worthless, straw haired bitch, I hope you fucking choke on your extra foam latte.

Last but not least, an OLD MAN who’s bent spine and liver spots came with no life lessons at all. Quit staring at every woman’s chest, hoping one would jump out and shake your gnarly hands. You couldn’t get it up if they implanted a hydraulic tube in your shrivelled pecker.

Whew! I feel so much better. I really want to go to the tomato hurling festival in Spain next year. I want to hurt somebody but I don’t want to go to jail.